Tonight is the Night - Prologue

My life. Don't you ever get that moment in your life where you look back and wonder, "where did it all go wrong?". There always seems to be that one point where your life either goes up or down. But, what goes up must come down, and what goes down must surface.......eventually.
This is my turning point, where I look back and ask, " where did it all go wrong?". However, I went down and never again, surfaced.

LIFE

So, on Monday on our way to poker...We past where my friend had died in a car accident. On the way up to poker, it hurt but I tried not to cry. Just remembering is sad, so I just sat and thought about life. On the way home however, after a few drinks, it hit harder. It upsets me to think that her life was cut so short, and we all take our lives for granted. Im not any different, I know I take my life for granted and don't act in the moment. Life is way too short to just walk through it, take risks.

Life is there to be lived. I wonder how all those people who got their lived taken away from them so suddenly would be doing if they had managed to survive. I reckon they would be doing all the things they always dreamed of doing. Not worry about life anymore. Its too short to play it safe.

So many people say this, "Lifes too short, so live it" but how many of those people follow it? Even after passing where my mate died, I'm still too scared to live my life and take some risks for once. I have a feeling im going to be one of those that says, "I wish I did this. I wish I said that to this person. I wish...I wish...I wish" but im just too scared to do it. I wish I could take the risks that I want to...but....I'll jsut play it safe for now....until I get the confidence to step up, or at least get a hint that I can :)

ADVICE IS WHAT WE ASK FOR WHEN WE KNOW THE ANSWER BUT WISH WE DIDN'T....

Wow.....but the funny thing is....we all know its true..

I was just on Facebook and saw my friend had this as his status and it just took my breath away because it really is true. We always seem to avoid asking the questions in fear that whoever we ask will answer the way we fear most.....

Im going through the same thing right now.....I know the question, my friends know the question, I know the answer I fear most, and they know the answer they would give me....but nothing has been spoken so nothing has been said.

Why do you think we fear asking the questions when we already know the answers ourselves?? Is it fear that the answer would then become real? If its never spoken it doesn't have to exist. I suppose we all live with some fear in our life's.....but do we really want to live behind this fear? To be afraid to ask for advice or help because we are too afraid to admit that we already knew the answer but were hoping that the other person would miraculously be ignoring the truth and give us something else to live off......

I don't know...its a hard topic why we live behind fear. I live behind fear because Im sick of being hurt....but unfortunately...in this instance..i'll be getting hurt either way. Its hard to know whether the worst that we are thinking could be true or false. Im one of those that keeps my questions to myself and never ask for advice. Im the one that gets approached for advice. They've always said that i've given them the advice they wanted to hear or i've helped them...but after reading that status..it's hard to know whether i did more harm than good or whether they actually were being truthful and i did actually help them....

Oh life, why must you be so difficult? I suppose if life was too easy, we would all be bored and it would be the same routine every day. But I guess we could say..Oh life, why can't you be slightly easier and stop us from being so trusting and getting hurt so easily.

I seem to have a problem with trusting people way too quickly and easily. I don't know why, and it always seems to be me that gets hurt in the end. I don't know...its too hard to change who you are some times no matter how hard you tell yourself you want to. You feel like you want to man up for once and get out while your still not hurt.....but you can't...and just go running back to the problem.

Oh well, its who i am....even if it hurts.